Uprising (A David Byrne x Brian Eno Story)
by springleballoo
Summary: David Byrne is forced to get his haircut by his friend and colleague, Brian Eno. Apparently David's hair is "too long", according to Brian... But something unexpected happens.


"DAVID! Get in the goddamn chair!" Brian screamed at David. He kicked his ass and David fell onto the cold tiles of the barber shop. He reeled, his chocolate shoulder-length locks blocking his vision. Brian put his hands on his hips and sighed. He wiped the sweat away from his forehead. David tried to get up, but Brian's foot on his back kept him on the ground. David refused to get his hair cut. This was the way he liked it, the length was fine. Why did Brian insist on him cutting it?

"You fucker. I put up with your shit for three albums and you don't have the courtesy to cut your hair for me?" Brian scoffed at him. David leaned on his elbows, trying to balance himself. He turned himself, facing Brian and got up after Brian relented his foot. David stood there, and stared at Brian, who also stared back with an intense loathing. David in a sudden move tried to run towards the door of the barber but was quickly blocked by Brian and the barber who had both teamed up now to stop David. David now only had one option left. He tried to fight it, but as Brian and the barber pushed him into the ominous chair he finally relaxed. This was, however, a ruse.

"Finally. Now we can chop off those nasty growths." Brian motioned to the barber to commence the hair cutting. The scissors got closer to David, the metal shining and blinding his eye. He cowered in pain, trying to cover his damaged eyes but it was too late. Brian cackled and clapped his hands maniacally. The barber seemed to giggle himself. Thunder roared outside the window as cars and trees flew with the wind. A storm was coming. David gripped the chair handles, holding on for dear life but he was slipping away. Brian continued to cackle, not a care in the world except for David's humiliation. Desperate Davey shed a tear.

As the scissor blades neared him, he saw his own reflection. His hair was greasy, he hadn't shaved in weeks. What he thought was stubble was now a modest beard. What had become of David? His shirt was stained with some unknown mixture of condiments, maybe relish, his skin blotchy and sweaty. The scissors hovered over a strand, and closed: But just as this occurred, the joint in the scissors snapped in two, and the barber stood there in awe. Brian's cackling ceased. He looked in shock at the scissors which had now fallen out of the barber's hand and now onto the floor. David felt a rush of power surge through him. His heart rate rose and he snapped out of the chair. He looked to Brian who had now looked so weak… Compared to before.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BRIAN… HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY HAIR? Did you really think you could… Heheh... CUT IT?" David roared at Brian. His eyebrows furrowed and he heaved with anger. Subtle mambo music had begun playing in the distance, as David did a jig. David's eyes sunk into a black void, his voice now robotic. "THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING..." David murmured. Brian was frantic, and began backing up into the corner. The barber had resorted to a ball position on the floor. Brian stuttered and struggled to spit a sentence out. "I-I-I…" He squealed.

"SPIT IT OUT, BITCH!" David yelled at the tiny blond man. David's hair flowed in the wind as lightning struck behind him. A small fire had begun as he stomped his feet against the cracking tiles. His hands grew to an enormous size, disproportionate to the rest of his body. As Brian and the barber crawled into the corners, a small portal had opened from the ceiling. David looked up, to see a red cowboy hat. It descended upon him and fit snugly around his head and brown hair. He was the one cackling now. Brian began to cry and was full-out bawling against the floor, what little hair he had left had now fallen out. The barber was unconscious. David exited the store. People ran from him as he walked. They gasped as they saw his mighty hands and hair brush past them. Women fell in the streets, their children along with them. Men passed out just upon first glance. A tornado had formed in the distance. "That'll teach them." David muttered to himself, laughing.

(A/N: This story was inspired by David Byrne's long hair and cowboy hats, which he occasionally wears.)


End file.
